Tuesday, April 23, 2013

The Wedding Planner with Shingles

So I officiated the wedding of my bestest best best friend evar on the 13th. It was in lovely Tuscon, Arizona, and we didn't even melt. Huzzah!

For the record, though, I did next to nothing. I offered my services when it came to planning, but my serivces were declined. And then, because of my gorram shingles, I wasn't able to do much beyond just standing and talking the day of the ceremony- which made me feel guilty as Hell. Sticking to low-impact when there are tables and chairs to be moved makes a body  feel pretty useless and dead-weight-ish.

Although I'll say this: If you had chicken pox as a kiddo, and you're older and want a good excuse to lie at home and feel sorry for yourself, get shingles. Because by golly, the pain never ceases! I'm "on the mend" now, which means I have itchy, inflamed scabs all over my side. Ew, ouch, and GOD DAMNIT I RAN OUT OF PAIN KILLERS! If I had it my way, I'd just quit the semester and stay home, lying in bed or on the couch, cuddling River and watching Netflix or playing video games. If I could get away with taking time off until I was fully recovered, I'd have like an entire month off. 

What has sucked major about it is that yeah, because of grad school and going to that wedding, I just haven't really had the time to actually slow down and recuperate the way your typical shingles patient would. Not only did my sores get exacerbated by the stress and the go, go, GO! of life (as in there are a LOT, all over), but I have no doubts that the stress has made them linger longer than they should have. I'm sitting at my desk in my home office right now, and by golly, I want to tear the flesh off my side because it burns and itches and no matter what I do, my pajama pants are constantly rubbing them. But this pain is about as low as it got when I did have pain killers left- it's all topical, not internal (which was what it was when it was at its worst- it felt like someone was slicing me from the inside, starting at my spine and working their way out), so I know there isn't much I can do, other than whine. 

I feel sorry for myself because I never got an entire day to stay home and feel sorry for myself.

Shingles: The adult excuse to act like a baby.

Boo hoo

Shingles was how I got out of doing hands-on labor for my friend's wedding, but like I said, she and her then-fiance* just didn't want my help. Not that they didn't trust me, they just wanted to do it themselves to keep it "stress free" (which actually meant my friend was the only one even thinking about planning it at all, and any time she asked a reasonable question like, Honey, who do you want to invite? he'd accuse her of worrying too much... ugh...).

But when I was Maid of Honor for my older sis, she did everything by herself, too. The only thing I contributed, other than giving my opinion on options she'd found for various things, is I found what ended up being one of their favors, little candles with glass holders that had the wedding info engraved on them (really cute and super cheap). So I felt kind of useless there, too. Especially when her officiant was stupid about the order the wedding party stood around the bride and groom, and she insisted I be at the end, so I had to go around the other bridesmaids to fix my sis's train and do the boquet stuff. Ugh, man, that was so bloody annoying...

Anyhoo, point! I didn't really do much, there. Actually, I think the friend I officiated for the other weekend did more at my sister's wedding than I did, as she was an usher and handed out programs. Hm, I just thought of that...

So then I was around during all of the wedding planning for my roommie. But the most I did there was just listen to her tell me about the conflicts with her family and how fucking insane some of the stuff she was going through (venues firing everyone, photographers going to jail... the usual... right?... no?... aw, shit) was. Now, I did do a helluva lot more the day of the wedding there- apart from designing the makeup pallets (aaaw yeah!), I ran a lot of damage control and kept my roommie and her hubby as unaware of mishaps and awkward things as much as possible. For example, they didn't even know the toilets had broken down until the DJ had already fixed them. I also kept her bitchy Maid of Honor from ruining her fun, too (I almost decked her twice). 

But I think being in and around those weddings, especially at least hearing about the planning processes of my sis and roommie, has helped me get pretty adept at knowing what weddings need, what's common, etc. Plus, I've been to a crapton of weddings in my time. 

I've been helping another couple plan theirs, and I'll be a bridesmaid in that one. It's next month. And for this one, I've had a much more hands-on role, helping them write the script, design the save-the-dates, finding thank-you cards, figuring out how to get people involved in capacities beyond just ushering, choosing how to decorate. I'm prolly going to end up planning their joint stag/hen party, and it just keeps going. And I don't mind at all- I'm glad to help them in the runup to the rest of their lives together. And I'm happy to be there for them however they need me. I usually have decent ideas, and even if they aren't precisely what the bride and groom want, I at least give them my feedback and help them figure it out- sometimes, it just takes talking through things with other people to get a handle on your own vision, so a sound board is I, quite often, and that's fine by me. I'm not a dancer,  but the bride is, so the reception is going to be heavy on the dancing; I plan to run interference at this wedding, much like I did with my roommie's, in order to avoid the dance floor. I'll be in the cute Converse the bride got me as my wedding gift, but still, I'd rather avoid breaking a limb/ looking like I'm having a seizure. 

I'd end up just sitting in the middle of the dance floor,
pouting, but not looking nearly as adorable as this little girl
(Also, I like her hair...)
A few weekends ago, a couple my roommie and I are friends with that live out of town spent the night at our place after one of our parties. When I made them breakfast the next morning, we all ended up talking about wedding planning, as the two of them are starting to think about making venue reservations, etc. My roommie and I talked their ears off, and they were so thrilled and excited to have friends that "know what they're doing," so they said we could expect to hear back from them for more advice some time soon. They haven't asked me to be in that wedding yet, and I'm hoping their families and/or friend networks are large enough that I won't be  needed. Not because I wouldn't want to help them out personally, and if they asked me, I'd say yes, but I'm getting a little weddinged out. Because...

I'll be Maid of Honor in yet another wedding next August. I'm fairly sure I'll be pretty heavily involved in planning that one, too, and by then, I think I'll be a ruddy expert at this wedding planning business. I feel like I could, at this point, quit grad school altogether and open a full-service wedding planning company. I mean, I could officiate and help them come up with ideas and run the show, I have friends that do videography and photography that would prolly gladly quit school to get a well-paying job...

Bloody Hell, I think I've figured it out!

I'll just have to avoid shingles again.

Which, apparently, isn't a problem, since you can't get it twice. But I did joke around with my roommie about being contagious: Apparently she never had chicken pox as a kid, and while you can't give another adult shingles if that's what you have, you can give an adult that didn't have chicken pox those if you have shingles. So I told her she had to stop licking me. 


Although I did kind of freak out when River was near me when they were at their worst. Because I don't know how this shit works, and I didn't want to get my baby sick. And  while I know there are going to be  scars on my side, I think that's all they'll be by the time I have to suit up again for the wedding next month. Which is good, because it hurt like Hell the other weekend to be crammed in that underarmor for the one I officiated.

Protip: Don't get shingles if you're about to wear a bunch of undies with boning. 

I'm not really sure how to end this post. Except to say that all this wedding planning for other people, and there's only one thing I know about my wedding I want for certain (other than to not be sick like this), and that's to have this song be our first dance together:

(If you're wondering why there's a pic of a bearded Ryan Reynolds on a motorcycle here, it's because this is a screenshot from the cute little indy movie he was in called Chaos Theory- this song was featured in it, and that movie is how I discovered said song, as well as the band, now one of my favorites.)

I could babble about how perfectly this song captures my vision of what love is and should be, but meh. Just listen. (Only thing is, as it's live, Alex messes up a line- the second hook should go, "Climbing back up the same wall/Waiting for a curtain  call/ What I've got to give, I'd give up..." I couldn't find a version of the studio recording that didn't cut off, skip the intro, or bumble somewhere in the middle.) But anyhoo, don't listen  to me, listen.**

*What the blazes are the keyboard commands to do fancy characters like umlauts and e with a thingydo over it?!?!?!

**If you get that reference, tell me. I'll kiss you. 


  1. Remember: if a bride is using you for moral support more than for physical support, that is what she needs most, so you aren't being useless (I, for example, had a groom with a ton of opinions and who even helped me sit on the floor tying hundreds of tulle bows). I don't know what I'd have done if I couldn't have screamed "OMG EVERYONE I KNOW IS SUDDENLY CRAZY" at you at least once a day!

    Also, can you imagine how miserable it would have been if we were both laying around itching?!?! Though, I could have gotten out of all my classes....

  2. Haha, I can just see us, sipping tea and whimpering under blankets, passive-aggressively fighting over River.

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