JS, J.K.; Or, Digging In Your Prada Heels

Alright, here we go. I'm taking a break from looking for non-retail work to rant about something, and from the title, y'all can probably guess. 

I don't really want to "cancel" the woman, so much as just... ignore her. And I've felt this way for quite some time.

I saw the first Fantastic Beasts in theaters, but her treatment of indigenous cultures and the way she ignored the genocide colonists committed against them in the runup to its release was basically my last straw; and I only saw the movie in theaters because it was an event and something to do with some friends I rarely see anymore. I said I'd be willing to forgive her for it then, especially if she gave some sort of statement about it, but she never did. 

But that wasn't the first time she had racist stuff in her writing. There is a litany of problematic elements in the original books. But I, like so many others, needed her to hurt my own community to finally feel done. I'm not proud of it, but I'm not alone- myself and countless others had tried holding on because I/we cared so much about the series. It meant a lot to me. I had/have a treasure trove of positive memories associated with it, like attending midnight releases with friends, staying up until dawn reading with them, seeing my mom with my copy of the newest one, her waving it in the parking lot as I got off a bus from a trip and had thought said copy would get sold. 

But I just can't anymore. And even after ranting about that promotional material for Fantastic Beasts, I hoped maybe she would improve. And even as various TERFys things cropped up, I continued to hope, hope she'd apologize, hope she'd say, "Thank you, fans, for showing me what an arsehole I was being."

As the recent media storm indicates, she did not. 

I feel ya, Minerva

I'm not even going to include a link to her huge rant/"response." She doesn't deserve the clicks. But a few thoughts I want to share, for those that care what I think. I'm quoting from memory, here, so don't get all in a tizzy if I don't get things exact. And one more quick thing: I obviously don't think she should get death threats or receive some of the vitriol she has- I'm never a proponent of mud- and poo-slinging, regardless. That doesn't mean I have to agree with her, though. 

1) I think it's important to note that when she lists the "experts" she's spoken to, particularly those supporting her, the parameters that qualify them aren't specified. When it comes to how she "informed" her opinion, she doesn't elucidate any of the information she received- which means either A., they were just members of the echo chamber, parroting back the same unfounded, hyperbolized, strawman-ee arguments as her, or B., she purposely, consciously ignored any contradictory info. She just says she talked to them, which doesn't mean crap. You can't cite a source in your bibliography without having an in-text citation, too- that crap will get your journal article sent back in the scientific community. There's a reason she's being cagy about what these people purportedly taught her.

And when it comes to the "flood of support," or however she put it, she's pretty vague about where it came from. She could be talking about janitors or cashiers, for all we know- and I am not the only person to notice this. (This is the only overlap I've included, simply because I viewed it in a slightly different way from Mr. Carter- other than that, I'm deliberately going for things he didn't, since his analysis is pretty bangin', y'all.) And importantly, the sources of that "flood of support" differ substantially from where she "got information"- which again, implies echo-chamber. She doesn't say psychologists or medical experts were rushing to her defense, nor does she mention trans groups as doing so. It's fishy, to say the least, and it all speaks to willful ignorance, be it through selective source-seeking or selective belief, or some combination of the two; and the crowd "supporting" her is kinda duh. They're TERFS, too, given the stuff she says they're "concerned" about.

2) She brings up her charities, in a very gatekeeper-ee way. Basically saying, "I only want girls and women assigned that sex at birth and stay that way AlWayZZ to receive charity when in times of crisis." Cool. This is akin to the whole drug testing for social assistance thing some states have passed here. It's a way of passing judgment, of saying it isn't about categorical entitlement, but "worthiness" based on morality. And of course, it's exclusionary- it's saying trans women and girls don't "count" as women and girls. Nevermind that trans people disproportionally live in poverty. Nevermind that nearly half of trans and nonbinary people have been verbally harassed or sexually assaulted, and OVER half have experienced homelessness (source). Since they're trans women/girls, they aren't real women/girls, so they don't deserve her help. See what I'm getting at?

3) She pulls the "I have a trans friend" argument, which, come on. That's so last century, amirite? But just before that, she says she's "met young trans people" that were "adorable." And this bothered me a lot, for some reason. I guess the way I see it, she doesn't care about their character, who they are as people- they're just cute stuffed animals she can "aaaw" at, or at best, silly little kids that don't really know what they're talking about but are just so dang cute for Having Opinions. It dehumanizes, infantilizes them. And no, this isn't to say trans people can't be adorable (they totally can! just like any person!), but, when you're supposedly discussing why you "aren't" a TERF, reducing the trans people you've "met" simply to "adorable" and having that be the only basis for you obviously not being anti-trans, it demonstrates there is absolutely zero depth to your understanding of trans identities.

4) A huge part of her rant is the handwringing over "safety" in bathrooms. This boggart has been debunked and disproven so many gorram times I am not going to bother looking up any sources or statistics or whatever. If you don't believe me, you're probably on her side, anyway, so even if I did give you some sources, you'd handwave them away. Because that's what people like her do.

5) This next one is the hardest, on a personal level. She vaguebooks about sexual assault and spousal abuse, and while I don't think she's obligated to give graphic details of what happened, she jumps quite quickly from bringing up said history to the bathroom stuff and the "threat" that "any man pretending to be trans" can pose to "biological women." And this... It doesn't sit right with me, as a survivor. And I want to start off by saying a few things about her opening up about it before getting into why I'm upset about it. 

I hate that it happened to her. I've been there, more than once. I sympathize, empathize with her. Rape, sexual assault, abuse, etc.- I wouldn't wish any of it on the worst human being in the world, even a middle-aged white lady that is oblivious to how bigoted she is (or doesn't give a crap). It breaks my heart it happened to her, and I hope she can find healing someday, however possible. 

Because while yes, it's understandable to be an advocate against sexual assault in general because you yourself were assaulted, it's preposterous to assume every member of a group is going to do everything they can to sneak up on women and rape them. Not to mention unhealthy- for the person making that leap, not to mention the people it's about. Her equating her own experience with the "threat" of "fake trans" folks is projection, sick, sick projection, and indicative that she has not received adequate mental health support in the wake of her assault and abusive ex. Because any mental health professional worth their credentials would recognize the false equivalency and work her through it, help her overcome it. And it's all kinds of disgusting that I even need to say this, but, here you go, Rowling:

TRANS≠ RAPIST

I mean...

Duh?

 

And also, there isn't some army of dudes running around in dresses in the hopes to assault women. Again...

What she said

But seriously, the fact that she strongly insinuates that when she's triggered, her head goes to the "trans threat" or whatever... Maybe the perpetrator was a dude pretending to be trans (because again, since she's pretty vague, it's unclear to me if her ex-husband was the one who also sexually assaulted her- which is totally possible). I can understand that making things hard for her at first. But like I said, if she had a therapist of any quality, her false equivalency would have come up. And who knows? If she did see somebody and they did say, "Hey, let's try to parse that and figure out how to move beyond it," and she quit them because she'd rather hold onto her bigotry, well... I can genuinely see that as a Thing. But chances are, it somehow conveniently never came up in sessions (because she knows it's hogwash), or, and this is the most likely, she never actually got any help to begin with.

And while infuriating, it's also ridiculously sad. Because here is this woman, and she's harbored this narrative for years that this whole classification of people are potential rapists*, and every time she thinks of them or sees a member of the group, she's triggered. It's kind of tragic, in a way, because as society moves forward and more and more people are comfortable with transitioning, she's going to have a pretty difficult time of it.

But. 

It's up to her to get past it. If it's genuinely, 100% a result of trauma she hasn't dealt with in a healthy fashion, she needs to- God knows she has the money, and anyway, she lives in a country where healthcare, including mental health services, is free. And if she deliberately avoided the topic of trans fear when seeking help, then shame on her.

But then the most cynical read of her offering this window into her past is: She's playing the Victim Card. By this, I mean she's basically saying, "Since I was sexually assaulted and my ex-husband abused me, I want to do everything I can to prevent other [biological] women from going through it, too, so let's talk about trans people."Asserting her status as a survivor is a method of virtue signaling, intended to give her the space to vomit her hatred onto the public with impunity. I mean, how could a rape survivor and domestic abuse victim have discriminatory thoughts vis a vis womanhood? She's so brave for coming forward, she must be onto something, right? 

And the mere potentiality of this makes me sick to my stomach. And I hope to God it isn't true, because then she's even more despicable than any of us can imagine. 

But it was really hard for me to ignore this interpretation as I was reading her garbage. Her tone is extremely holier-than-thou, especially when she pivots from her history and back to "trans" (scare quotes because again, the bathrooms are a straw-man) stuff. It felt to me as if she believed her status as a survivor made her untouchable, so she can say whatever the eff she wants. And there is a huge difference between being proud of how far you've come and being full of yourself for it. There's a condescension to it, really. "Given my past, I want all biological women like me to be safe, so we can't let all these trannies** run around freely, and obviously if you don't agree with me you think innocent women just going to the loo deserve to be raped." I've seen her smirk before, and I legit pictured it on her face during this part of the essay. 

6) I'm not going to dwell, but she's super conflating sex with gender. I'm sure someone else somewhere called her on it, but keep in mind all of the "biological this" and "biological that" crap is her approach not mine. And that in itself is a super TERFy thing to do, m'lady. 

JS, J.K. JS.

7) Overall, keep in mind she never once apologizes or even ponies up to the harm she's caused real trans people anywhere in the essay. The entire thing is an exercise in justification, not dialogue. I don't even want to call it a "reason" for her beliefs. It's too hyper-defensive for that. The "research" she's done, the fact that SHE HAS A TRANS FRIEND, ZOMG, the waves of support from "experts," the fact that she "just has biological women's best interests at heart-" she provides this battery of... bleh... to convince the reader she's right, and with huge moral and ethical implications underscoring the whole exercise. That's justification, not explanation. 

And she believes it, fully and utterly. She sees herself as the last bastion of defense, as the leader of some righteous army that will defend the battlements at all costs. She's basically Jack Nicholson:

Plus, by not bothering to address any fans she's upset or hurt, by scoffing at the idea that her words likely contributed to at least some of the trans suicide attempts in recent years, she's telling them she doesn't give a shit about them. They don't exist to her. Their lives aren't important or of any value.

They're trans. They're adorable, but they aren't human.

And this is probably the worst crime of all. Especially given how she had us all convinced she was a champion for the weirdos and the queers, for the unseen and the unheard. We thought we had an all-powerful ally in her. But it turned out, she was the proverbial wolf in sheep's clothing, and figuring that out, that in itself has hurt vast numbers of people. People that believed in her. In the stories she gave us. 

She had an opportunity to be a better person, and she doubled down. She dug her designer heels in and said, "Nope, actually, I'm better than all of you."

I may never read the Harry Potter books again. And while that makes me sad, I'm ok with it. There are so many other series out there, series that aren't embedded with racist dribble, that aren't by raging TERFs. 

Would you like some recommendations? I'll end this depressing post with a list of fiction series I adore and hope you'll look into, if you're unfamiliar. This list isn't exhaustive, is in no particular order, and a few of them are still ongoing, but hey. Maybe you'll find something to enjoy here.

-The Old Kingdom series by Garth Nix. Tim Curry even did the audiobooks of the original trilogy, folks. The way magic works is in itself enough to make it worth it, but he does such a great job with so much more. The second book even deals with suicidal ideation, something you RARELY see in fantasy. It's geared towards YA, but that hasn't stopped me from keeping up with the current releases.

-The Blood and Gold series, by Kim Wilkins. Amazing feminist fantasy about a set of royal sisters. There are moments that have made me cry, laugh, and freak out for someone's safety. Wilkins is particularly skilled at changing her writing style to suit the character whose perspective we're getting, something I've seen lesser authors stumble with before. 

-The Chronicle of the Unhewn Throne by Brian Staveley. A million times better than Game of Thrones. And the supernatural big bad actually matters. WHAT?!

-The Acacia series by Anthony Durham. Solid high fantasy. The characters really shine, too.

-Literally anything with Neil Gaiman's name attached. Seriously. Anything.

-The Dandelion Dynasty, by Ken Liu. Silkpunk. If you're unfamiliar with the genre, get familiar. 

-The Fern Capel series by Jan Siegel. Atlantis! Witches! Dwarves! Morgan le Fay...? She somehow manages to mesh Arthurian legend with traditional British folklore, Atlantis, and urban fantasy in a way that sticks with you when you're finished reading.

-The Earthsea cycle. I may not think it's quite as feminist as everyone says it is, but damned if LeGuinn didn't write prose so beautiful and smooth you could hold a curling tournament on top of it. 

-Shades of Magic by V.E. Schwab. Oh boy, this one is so unique. Alternate dimensions, smuggling, universal peril. I don't want to give too much away, just give it a shot.

-Sailor Moon by Naoko Takeuchi. Make fun of me, idgaf.

-Percy Jackson and the Olympians by Rick Riordan. Easy, fun reads. Kid-friendly, too. 

-Anything by N.K. Jemison. Her works also stand for themselves.

-The Sevenwaters series by Juliet Marillier. It starts as a retelling of the Hans Christian Anderson tale "The Seven Swans," but expands into a pretty amazing epic set in ancient Ireland. It's like what The Mists of Avalon could have been, if there were a ton more books, and if the author wasn't a pedophile. ::cries::

-Any series by David Eddings. His stories themselves get kind of formulaic at times, but he was superb at bringing characters to life, and the stakes are always what you'd expect in epic fantasy- end-of-the-world sort of stuff with a Reluctant Hero. 

-The Land of Elyon series by Patrick Carman. Written for kids, but I totally read them as an adult with zero children and adored them.

-Un Lun Dun by China Mieville. Standalone, but I couldn't not include it. It's awesome. And also kid-friendly.

-Keys to the Kingdom series, also by Garth Nix. This one's a bit more youthful, but just as rich. Nix is an incredible worldbuilder, and that comes out just as well here as the aforementioned Old Kingdom. I appreciated how his main character this time had a disability, too- asthma. 

-An Ember in the Ashes series by Sabaa Tahir. An amazingly rich world, compelling characters, and legit twists and turns, along with political intrigue. I haven't read the last book yet, but by golly, I need to.

*And I genuinely do NOT want to hear about how "all men are potential rapists, though!" because they aren't. You come at me with that, I will block your ass.

**Used for effect- I would never use it casually. Trust me.

Liebster Award

So while I would totally be a professional blogger, I don't really have the chops for it yet, nor the content (I don't think, anyway). Still, I have a few friends that also blog, and one in particular is becoming more and more of a Thing (she's been on panels for ACTUAL cons, has her own domain name now, and she even has a funding website). This friend of mine, Amanda, recently received a nifty blogging award, called a Liebster Award. And she shared the love with me. Look, I get a prize!

I've done some digging, and I can't seem to find an "official" Liebster page, and thus like eighty billion versions of the rules. So first, I'll sum this up a little.

What is a Liebster Award? It seems to me that it's an entirely online thing, for bloggers, by bloggers, as a means of promoting blogs that don't have huge-ass followings yet, but that are fun/entertaining/that the person bestowing it believes merit more followers. I'm also suspecting some of them have been used as a benevolent form of coercion to get the recipient to write again, heh. It can help people discover new blogs, too, if they bother to look at the other blogs nominated alongside their own.

What are the rules? If you accept the nomination, you give some sort of shout-out to the person that nominated you, answer the questions they ask you, then nominate more people whilst coming up with your own questions- and all of this involves a lot of hyperlinks and tagging and whatnot. ;) The number of questions seems rather solid at eleven, but the number of people to nominate fluctuates from five to twenty (in increments of five), and there always seems to be a goal of having a limit on the number of subscribers they have prior to nomination. You don't have to accept, of course. Also, it appears that at least one of the questions has to be about blogging. 

So, well, okay, I guess this just  makes for a good excuse to write a blog post. So here we go, first I'll answer the questions.

1) If you were trapped in a video game for the rest of your life, which game would you want it to be? Hands down, Journey. The ability to float around like that? And communicate by singing? And the potential for such wonderful camaraderie through music? Oy. I may get kind of lonely* in that world, but there are all the tapestries that come to life (when you sing at them!) for company, and again, other travelers you come across.  

2) Which spaceship would you like to explore the universe in? Oh gosh... So this is going to sound like it's coming out of nowhere, but I still remember both iterations of the theme song from this show... and it's the first show where Jewel Staite was a member of a rag-tag team of space explorers... I'm going to say The Christie from the show Space Cases. 

She's organic and at least  partially sentient, provides what the crew needs, and can friggin' fix herself. And  she also has some badass weaponry (in case some baddies show up). And I like the idea of "bonding" with the ship I'd spend so much time in, as if we'd be sorta friends. I'm sentimental like that.

3) What do you know now that you wish you knew when you started your blog? I wish I knew how important tagging is. I didn't do it before, but apparently because of that, my blog is hard to find, and the Thing to use to follow blogs now can't find blogs similar to mine (or, well, it could also be because I'm kind of a nobody, but meh). Also, as I was going through and trying to tag my posts, I effed something up and made an oooold post move to the top and don't know how to fix it and I'm grumpy about it. Poo. 

4) If you could have any mythical animal as a friend/pet/companion, what would it be and why? So there was a time when I would have screamed, "WINGED UNICORN!" But I've been through so much, that innocence is long-gone. I actually think my favorite mythological creature is (and has been for quite some time) the gryphon:

Originally, they had the back-end of a lion and the front-end (including talons) of an eagle. The types have evolved to combinations involving owls, hawks, and falcons on the front and pretty much any wild, hunting cat on the back. I'd probably stick with the original, although I'd prefer a golden eagle over a bald eagle. I'd want a gryphon because they're badass and I could ride one around like this, but, assuming this whole "friend" part is solid, I imagine it'd be as fiercely loyal and protective as I am. And, frankly, I could use a protector, because I'm always so busy taking care of everyone else, I don't take care of myself until it reaches hospital-worthy proportions (true story). I sometimes get so caught up in trying to help someone else, I end up shooting myself in the foot and pushing them away- and a companion like a gryphon would be able to tell me when I'm starting to act kind of crazy, and maybe keep me from getting hurt again. I'm also going to assume that my gryphon would be able to sniff out the assholes and douchebags before they get a chance to hurt me, too- I'm so easily duped, it's pathetic. And I also suspect that, despite the huge muscle and sort of rough exterior, they're also really soft and warm- talons aside, cuddling with one seems like it'd be rather lovely because I'd actually feel safe for a change, and I'd come closer to that innocent little girl that loved unicorns so much when I was little.  

As a sidenote, my favorite Magic: The Gathering deck I own is one I constructed myself in 2007, comprised of some older "griffin" cards and things related (like one that gives another creature flying and then TURNS INTO A GRIFFIN when/if that creature dies). When I made it, griffins were just getting started as a Thing in Magic, so the deck isn't the best: older griffins cost a LOT of mana to get out, so it's usually really slow-going, and sometimes I don't even get a single griffin out before having my ass handed to me when playing with this deck. But it's still my favorite, because the creatures are mostly griffins (and some angels, like this one, my favorite angel that I own**). I have a friend with some newer griffins he's let me look at before, and I'm kind of tempted to do some selective online purchasing at some point and revamping the deck to make it work better, because the deck has that sentimental aspect to it- and while I'll prolly never deconstruct it, I'd be totes cool with improving it. But. Then I think, But how often would I be able to use it? And I decide not to, because the answer is, Prolly not enough to merit the cost. I have more important things to spend the money on, like my car, or my dog, or my health. Making adult decisions sucks, folks. Ugh. 

5) What fictional world is your home away from home? The DC Universe, specifically Gotham City. If only because of all of the settings in which my dreams take place, Gotham is the setting with the highest proportion of occurrence. Even when not dreaming about Bruce Wayne or (Dick Greyson- I left a recurring dream about him out of that post, since it was already way long), I find myself regularly dreaming about living in Gotham City in some capacity and being a do-gooder, again, in some capacity- reporter, non-profit advocate, mayor, lawyer, teacher. I'm always doing something good for the people in my city, and I'm my own, non-violent version of Batman each time. In those dreams, I feel strong, capable, confident, and beautiful, and I wish to God I could feel that way in my actual life, when awake, but I can't, try as I may. I come close sometimes, I do, but things always get in the way and the feeling in the real world gets ripped from me by the next wad of shit the universe decides to throw in my eyes. But as I've said before, I don't want to give up, I choose not to, and I'll keep fighting, and Gotham kind of symbolizes that in my head, just as much as Batman himself. 

6) If you could be any fictional character for a day, who would it be? This one  had me hung up for a while, but I finally figured it out. Catherine Winslow from the movie The Winslow Boy, based on the play of the same name (to my shame, I haven't read the play, but as there are extra scenes involving Catherine in the movie, I'm sticking with my guns, here). She's a suffragette and progressive, smart as Hell, and tough as nails. She has a lot to do with getting her brother out of the pickle forming the basis for the story, and she even gets the dashing lawyer in the end. 

7) What daily (or semi-daily) activity/chore do you wish you could get by without doing? Doing my hair. I hate my hair, it never cooperates, and it's just getting uglier and uglier as I get older. And I have grey hairs, and I'm only 28. Sigh.

8) What is your number one pet peeve? Empty words. I hate it when people are fake with me, or say something because they think it'd be easier for me to hear that, rather than the truth. Or when people are unable to follow through because they promised something they couldn't give. I'm so sick of people letting me down, and it all comes back to false promises and useless niceties. Just be real with me, don't bullshit me because you don't want to hurt me then-and-there- it hurts more when it's dragged out and I'm given reason to hope, only to have said hope crushed later on. Crap like this has been happening to me my entire life, and I hate it. 

9) If you had to pick an apocalypse, which one would you pick? This is kinda cheating, but...

10) What job did you want as a kid? What job would you want if you didn't have to worry about making money? I just wanted to teach English and history. Then some people told me I was "too smart" for that and needed to get a Ph.D. Ugh. Why  did I listen? Sigh. Anyhoo, now, if money wasn't an issue, and I'm also adding if I could do it instantly (because I am SO DONE WITH BEING IN SCHOOL), I'd say special ed. teacher. And yeah, as I said above, I'd also be a professional blogger, too- I'd go around and give TED talks and discuss how the media and pop culture can both reinforce and break down hegemonic discourses, can be a tool of oppression but also a source for liberation, etc. Yeah. 

11) What is your favorite color, and what is your favorite nerdy thing corresponding to that color? Silver. I love silver. And it's hard to find nice clothes that come in silver that don't look tacky, let me tell you- grey is usually pretty casual, but a good silver piece of clothing can be really sexy. My favorite blouse is a silver halter with beading at the top, goes great under this new blazer I got from work that's black with black roses embroidered all over it... Ahem, where was I? Oh yeah, so nerdy thing corresponding to that color... A friend of mine gave me a silver bracelet with the word "Dracarys" engraved on it for my birthday. I love it. And in case you don't know what I mean, this...

...is  always followed by this:

So I feel a little badass when I wear it. I don't really have anything else that's nerdy and silver, and meh, I associate my favorite comic book and video game characters with more traditional colors, like red and black and yellow and blue. And I took the question literal, as in something I own. And I'm sticking with the bracelet as such. But if we're going for the "fictional thing of that color" interpretation, then it'd be Anduril, the sword Aragorn gets in The Return of the King. 

So that's my story. Now the problem is, nominating other blogs. I can't re-nominate my roommie (but I can TOTALLY PLUG HER ANYWAY) (also, I am ENTIRELY UNSURPRISED you posted your own Liebster entry before me, Chels), and uh... I don't really follow many small-time blogs, so let's give this a try. Now I did think  hard about this, so if I'm tagging you for it, it means I either want to help motivate you into writing more, or I think you write enough and am just giving you props.

No One is Paying Me for This

Thumbz and Logik

Episcopalian "in" Planet Earth

John E.K. Carter

Glowy Stones

So, now, your questions, lovelies:

1) If you could have coffee with an historical figure, alive or dead, where would you take them, what would you order, and, of course, who would it be? 

2) Is your blog today what it was when you started? If not, how has it changed, and do you like those changes?

3) If you were going to guest-appear on Dancing with the Stars, what celebrity would you want to be paired with?

4) Is there a dish you've never made and want to try your hands at someday (and what is it, if that's a yes)?

5) What is your favorite (fictional) uniform?

6) If all cars suddenly disappeared, but you had the power to replace them with some alternate means of transportation (real or fictional), what would you choose? 

7) How long does it usually take you to write a blog post?

8) If you could be (or could have been) an extra on the set of any movie or tv show, what movie or show would it be, and what purpose would you serve? What shenanigans would you get into on-set?

9) If you had to die by the hand of a fictional character, who would you choose as your executioner and what would be their method?

10) If you could listen to the thoughts of one species of animal, what would that be?

11) If you were sucked into a vortex and spat out into a fictional world, what genre would you most want to be caught in?

And I guess that's it. Kinda anti-climactic. But yeah, fellow bloggers, go forth and do things!

This is actually Amanda.

*Actually, I'd prolly get reeeally gorram lonely sometimes. Sigh. I'm like that IRL, though, so meh. Same song, different verse. HAH! Get it? Because of all the music?

**I know a lot of people have angel decks, but I never acquired enough angels to make one of my own when I was still buying cards frequently. I play every so often still, but I haven't bought new Magic cards since 2009. Alas.