Thursday, March 21, 2013

I'm Not As Nice As Everyone Thinks

Now, hang on. Don't let the title make you think I think I'm a raging bitch. Because no, I don't think that. In fact, I do think I'm pretty damn nice. Nicer than the average person, even.


Here's the thing. 

I'm an emotional being. Also more so than the average person. Quite a lot. Which means that when I get angry, I get fucking pissed. And it means I can get pretty Goddamned testy, judgy, and grudge-ee. 

I may love you to death, but I'll also be irked as fuck with how you constantly delegitimize me whenever I dare to express unhappiness with something. I may jump down your throat when you tell me no and then basically restate what I just said as if it's your own, correct idea- but when it came out of my mouth, it was somehow way, way wrong. I may get really irritated and just stop talking to you when you start to tell me how I'm wrong and condescend and/or mansplain to me about all the stats and data and basically say, "Look, honey, you have no idea what you're talking about, lemme break it down for you."

And I absolutely guarantee you, I'll fucking want to rip your throat out if you harp on one tiny detail of what I'm saying and try to use it to make everything I've said in the entire exchange invalid- whether it's online, through text, in person, whatever.

I will never, ever think a rape joke is okay. So don't bother telling any around me- I'll just lose respect for you and think you're a terrible person. Seriously, I knew a guy in high school that thought rape jokes were funny back then, and while I haven't talked to him in years, I still don't even remember his name- he's just Rape Joke Asshole to me. And if and when I see him at our ten year anniversary reunion, I won't be surprised if I accidentally blurt out when he reminds me who he is as we shake hands, "Oh, you're Rape Joke Asshole!"

Also, remember how I said I'm judgy?

  • If you constantly troll people, I'll judge you for it, and think you're an asshole. And if you troll me or someone I care about all the time, I'll fucking hate you. Because, call me crazy, I don't think it's funny to upset other people (normally)*.
  • If you espouse one belief, then one that's entirely contradictory, I'll judge you and consider you a hypocrite. For example, don't call yourself a socialist, and then tell me that there's no need for feminism because it's illegal to discriminate on the basis of sex. 
  • If you wear sandals with socks, I'll judge you for it and think you're a disgusting slob. I've actually been caught sneering a little at people at the bus stop for this before. You know, that look as if there's something kind of smelly nearby? Yeah. 
  • If you tell me you think there has been too much government regulation under President Obama, I'll judge you and think you're an elitist sonofabitch that would rather let the fuckers running the banks off scott free than see people not starve. 
  • If you try to tell me why one nerd thing is better than another (for example, Star Trek over Star Wars or vice-versa), I'll judge you and think you're an argumentitive, divisive prick that gets off on causing conflict, and I won't want to be around you anymore. 
True story: When I told someone I got a dog and their reaction was, "Too bad it wasn't a cat," I bit the inside of my cheek so hard it bled and imagined punching the person in the face. I responded snarkily enough when they were done ranting about how cats are better, part of my response being that it's a damn good thing I had never planned on ever having them anywhere near my apartment, anyway, but now I literally feel like vomiting whenever I see this person, I dislike them so much. And I'm pretty damn sure they know it, too. If not, they're fucking stupid. 

So, I may sometimes be a pushover- I recognize that in my urgent desire to make people happy, I tend to let them get away with a lot of shit- but for God's sake, don't treat me like one. 

And now, an adorable puppy:

Seriously, though, I get told I'm "too nice" sometimes, and I don't really understand why. I mean, is everybody I'm friends with/around just used to being near people that are that awful

But, here's a question: Why is "too nice" even an expression? Is there really such a thing as too much nice? I'd hope not.

But whatever. Time for bed.

*I mean, okay, I'll sort of poke fun at people. And bait them a bit. But it's never intended maliciously, and that's the difference between me and a troll. Trolls laugh at, I laugh with. 

1 comment:

  1. Aw, adorable puppy.

    I don't know if there's anyone who has been around me for more than a few hours who thinks of me as "too nice". But whether it's because we internalize so much of what we feel or because for some reason people don't take us seriously or mistake politeness and rational discussion for weakness, they fail to appreciate who we really are.